Morning blogiverse
This past summer has been a difficult one and not because of the CVS
Sadly I have never had to deal with so much death in my whole life then I've had this summer!
But all my feelings with the death have greatly affected my recovery and has taught me so much at the same time!
At the beginning of the summer my two younger sisters (who are 19 and 20) lost their very best friend, Katie! This young lady died at 17. It was extremely tragic for not only my sisters but for me as well. With such the big age gap between me and my sisters I became an older sister type for a lot of their friends. Which I loved!!
Katie's mom and my mom were really close friends while I was growing up and I had the pleasure of watching Katie grow up since she was 8 years old! I used to babysit her and her younger sister!
It had to be the saddest funeral I have ever been to in my entire life! And that includes my Great-grandmother's.
I had to be the big sister to both my sisters as well as my old step-brother and I didn't leave enough time for myself to grieve as well. My sisters took her death very hard, because why wouldn't they, and I saw it as my job to protect them, to help them, to console them!
I got lost in helping other people and ignored my own feelings and it lead to the day of the funeral service itself that I just broke down! The amount of love I felt for Katie during her funeral was remarkable! Many of her close friends spoke at her funeral! My old step-brother was the closest to her and he came to Ontario from Nova Scotia when I told him what had happened. He wanted to pay his respects to the family by sharing some happy memories of Katie but he couldn't speak! He asked me to go to the front of the room with him while he said what he had to and the podium was vibrating from all the shaking he was doing. I literally had to hold him up!
After the funeral I called all of my friends just simply to tell them that I loved them because you really don't know when its going to be the last time you're going to talk to them.
It's been a few months since Katie's funeral and my sisters are still having an extremely hard time dealing with this! My heart still hurts for them!
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| I took this picture of my two sisters and all of their friends when my youngest sister graduated high school! Katie is the beautiful girl with the vibrant red hair! She was one of a kind! |
As well as Katie that week we lost two distant relatives, who lived in Nova Scotia, due to cancer. My mother took this harder because it was the last living sibling of her father, who died of diabetes when my mother was 9, and there was now no more pieces of him left.
Although I reminded her that she was a remaining piece she still has a hard time with it.
Last week my cousin called me to give me more terrible news! A lot of my father's family lives in Northern Ontario, where I have visited every year my entire life! My fathers parents still live up there.
As the years went on and I grew older I became closer with a lot of these family members (who all live on one street - I told you its Northern Ontario lol). My Great Uncle, who is my favourite to visit up there, went to the doctors and was told he had both lung cancer and a brain tumour, and they gave him 2 months to live.
Honestly I'm having a really hard time knowing that he's suffering up there and I'm a 5 hour drive away, without a licence. There are plans for a few of my cousins to go up within the next couple of months to say goodbye. But honestly I think that's going to be harder then going to a funeral and celebrating someones life. How am I going to say goodbye to someone I have known my whole life and them say goodbye right back to you! I don't think its going to be easy. I'm having a hard time even thinking about that conversation.
He doesn't want anybody to know about the cancer because he doesn't want people to treat him any differently, but he needs help! He needs love! He needs family! And that is the reason I'm going to suck up my feelings and go and say goodbye.
I'm going to have a hard time letting go
I'm going to have a hard time letting go once the unthinkable happens
But Katie's death has helped me a lot! I see her mother and her sister and she that you can learn to cope with everything. That you have to accept other peoples help to survive. That's not a crime! There's no such thing as letting go in this circumstance, there such thing as moving on!
I need to remember the good times, not the sad! I need to remember sitting in my Uncles kitchen singing a terrible version of some Spice Girls song and him telling me I should go on American Idol. Or the fact that I doodle every time I'm at his place and he hangs everything on his kitchen wall. I need to remember his hick ways! The fact he doesn't believe in shampoo or me having to try and explain to him what a "homie" is.
Here's a funny video of my Uncle for you all...
With lots of love,
Samantha
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