Hello Blogger World!!!!

This is my first blog EVER, I'm intrigued by the little community that bloggers have! I've been reading many blogs on here for months and finally decided to make the decision to dip my toes in the water and try it out. 

Just a little bit about me and the reasons I'm trying not to shy away from the water. 

My name is Samantha

I'm 24 

 About two years ago I was diagnosed with a rare anxiety disorder called Cyclic Vomiting Syndrome (CVS as I will be calling it from here on out)

Just a little about CVS

CVS can be caused by many different things, not just anxiety, although anxiety and depression are two of its key triggers. CVS is usually found in children cause them to miss close to 50 days of school a year. There are not very many cases in adults, hence the reason I want to start this blog. Show the world that mental illness comes in all forms and not just what doctors believe it showed be labeled as. 

Personally, once I become anxious I get a nauseous feeling that I cannot shake. Even once I have fought the battle of trying to not be physically ill my body gives in, the nauseous feeling doesn't go away and I am stuck in the bathroom for the rest of the week. 

How it All Started

I had just graduated from University and was up to my neck in student loans (like most of us) and the anxiety of where all my money was going really started to get to me. I was running low and didn't have any employment. What's a girl to do but start working at a telemarketing agency. 

I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH! DO NOT WORK FOR A TELEMARKETING AGENCY!!

You will hate your life! You will be mad you didn't listen to me! :) 

I have never been good with confrontation and having people calling me not knowing if they were going to yell at me, caused extreme extreme anxiety!! 

One day I woke up with this terrible feeling in the gut of my stomach, followed quickly by a run to the bathroom. I took weeks off of work, just starting a new job (they loved that) that made my nerves even worse. I worked myself up into a cycle! 

After a week of vomiting 20 times a day my mother decided to take me to the emergency room. I was extremely dehydrated at this point because even water wasn't staying down. 

SKIP FORWARD SIX MONTHS...

It had been six months with a whole week each month of vomiting 20 times a day, going to the hospital 4 times each time because of dehydration, and millions upon millions of blood tests, and my least favourite question with each visit "are you sure you're not pregnant?", they figured out that I had CVS. 

The telemarketing agency was not a fan of me by this point. They didn't want me there as much as I didn't want to be there. So I was forced to leave.

After months of trying to find the proper medication that didn't cause the CVS to trigger I was on the right track to becoming myself again. 

It's now been two and a half years since I started working at the telemarketing agency and it has not been an easy ride!!! 

Going out with friends would trigger the vomiting, going to concerts, going out for dinner, spending time with anybody who knew about my condition. It caused me extreme anxiety to be out in public. 

I lost a lot of friends! Not because they didn't care or that they weren't concerned, but because I thought it was easier to just push them aside. Now I don't talk to many of those friends. And I truly apologize to all of them for the ignorance that I had. I know that all you wanted to do was help me. But I couldn't even help myself!  

I had to push all of my issues aside and trust that the medication I was on was going to help! And I am so happy that I had such an amazing doctor that was patient and understood all of my concerns because I DID NOT want to go on medication. 

THE REASON FOR THE BLOG! 

Nobody knew what I was going through in my family or with my friends and I suffered silently. I let everyone believe that I didn't need the help that I could it for myself. It was something in my brain that I just had to flick a switch and I was going to be okay. 

That was not the case! 

I want other people suffering with mental illness to have an outlet. There are a million different types and once you realize and accept the fact that it is a mental illness you will feel a million times better! 

I didn't have an outlet to see that things will get better! That if I stick this plan that I have made myself that I have come to believe is going to fix itself. That my hard work is a process! 

I was tired of (and still am) of people saying "things are going to get better" 

I HATE THAT SAYING!! 

At first it was comforting! Things are going to get better! But as the months, weeks, and year passed things were not getting better. I was still struggling. I was still vomiting (although not as often). I was still lying to everyone at my feelings. 

Things did not get better! 

Once I started believing in the process I started to see changes. I had lost over 100 pounds from all the vomiting but I started running. I was never an active person but the running helped the anxiety without being medicated. Even though I still was. I felt that helping. 

I started looking for new jobs, ones that would make me feel better about myself. It was okay to say no to things! Saying no kept me sane! Kept me feeling like a normal person. 

It's now been six months of me being on the right track. I started working, ended up getting headhunted for a better position. Working full time with benefits, and am starting to actually see a difference in my Student Loan bills. 

Sorry for the long post! I promise they all won't be like this and they won't be this serious!! It's going to be my every day struggles as well as my everyday achievements!

Were going to go on this journey together! And together we can conquer our mental illness!! 

Please feel free to tell me your stories in the comments!! Let me know I'm also not alone!!

With lots of love, 

Samantha